


Catalyst

by DarkAliceLilith



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 06:03:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12102366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAliceLilith/pseuds/DarkAliceLilith
Summary: Musician AU.After ending his engagement with fellow singer Lydia, Alec begins to realize that living in the closet might not be the best option after all.





	Catalyst

**Author's Note:**

> For the shadowhuntersaumonday's prompt: fake dating au. The story kinda strays from the prompt a bit and takes a back seat, also it turned out much longer than planned.

“Why don’t we end this charade?”

Alec jumped and looked up from the new song he was writing. He yanked out his headphones and acknowledged Lydia. “What?”

The pop star took a seat next to him, twirling the engagement ring on her finger. “It was never supposed to get this far, Alec, and I care about you, but as a brother and a friend. In fact, I think of you as one of my best friends, which is why I think we should announce to the media that we’ve decided to call off the wedding.”

Alec stayed quiet, looking down at the lyrics he had written. It spoke of a person with dark hair, and brown eyes, neither of which applied to the woman sitting next to him. He closed the notebook and sighed heavily, tossing it onto the coffee table and sat up straight. “Lydia, I can’t do this without you.”

“You’ve gotten pretty far by yourself,” She said, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. “In fact, you’ve topped the charts far more than me since my debut album. I think you’ve got this.”

Alec shook his head. “That’s not what I meant, Lydia. I-I’m terrified of people finding out.”

“Alec, there’s nothing wrong with you.”

He wrapped his arms around himself and looked down. “Did you meet someone else?”

“No, I haven’t,” Lydia said. “And don’t try to change the subject. There are plenty of gay and successful people in the industry. Far more now than when we were teenagers. I mean, look at Magnus.” Alec’s heart skipped and cheeks start to burn at the mentioned of the singer’s name. Lydia seemed to notice and wrapped her arms around him. “Alec..”

“I’m not ready to come out.”

“And you don’t have to, but do you honestly want to marry me?” Lydia said, making him look at her. “Us dating? That was a stunt. It got us where we need to be, and it kept you in the closet, but this engagement? I’ve never seen you so withdrawn before.”

“I have not been-”

“Yes, you have,” Lydia said. “And you deserve to be happy, Alec, which is not going to happen with me.” 

She pulled back and slid off her engagement ring, holding it out to him. He stared at it for a long moment before taking it from her. He looked up at her and could see a hint of sadness in her eyes. “What about you?”

Lydia smiled at him and ruffled his hair before standing up. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Being alone suits me better anyways.” She leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead and dropped her copy of the key to his apartment on his coffee table. “Remember, you’re still my friend, Alec. I’ll always be there for you.”

Alec just nodded and watched her leave, feeling a bit of a weight being taken off his shoulders. He picked up his phone and scrolled through his contacts until he found his sister’s name and called her to tell her the news, and get some advice on how what to do next.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Alec was sitting at the studio, working on writing the music to go to a new song when a coffee cup was placed next to him. He looked up and his heart skipped a beat when he saw Magnus sit down across from him. “Hi.”

“Hey, I’ve seen your name all over the headlines lately,” Magnus said, taking a sip of his own coffee. “‘Is true love real? Musics’ favorite couple calls it quits!’” 

Magnus laughed and tossed the magazine he was holding on the table. The front of it showed a photo of Alec and Lydia inside a broken heart. Alec just rolled his eyes. “That’s a junk magazine anyways.”

“Hey now, I happen to enjoy reading junk magazines,” Magnus said, pulling the magazine back towards him and flipping through to article about Alec. “It’s hilarious to see the shit they make up about people, like this one, ‘Did Alec break up with Lydia for a man?’”

Alec felt himself freeze up for several minutes before shaking his head. “The only person I’ve been with in the past six years is Lydia, so no, I did not leave her for a man.”

Magnus just hummed and continued to read the article. “Did you finally figure out that living a lie just wasn’t worth it anymore?”

Alec was quiet for a long moment as he doodled on his notebook. “It was never meant to go this far,” Alec whispered. He set his pen down and looked at the pair of cat eyes he had drawn before slamming it shut. “I need to focus, they want this album done by next month.”

Magnus caught his wrist as he walked passed. “Alec,” He said softly, fingers moving down to touch Alec’s hand. “If you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you.”

Alec looked down at their hands, his fingers twitching to hold Magnus’, instead he pulled away. “I’ve got to go.” He turned away, but not before he caught a hint of sadness in the other man’s eyes. 

They had grown close over the past few months, closer than he wanted and somewhere down the line Alec had started to fall for Magnus. But Magnus was a man, and Alec wasn’t allowed to have that.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“How are you holding up?” Aline asked, scribbling out a line from the song they were working on together. She wrote another line and showed him, Alec nodding in approval. “Lydia’s a beautiful girl.”

“And single now if you were interested.”

“Ha! I would much rather focus on my career,” Aline replied. She jotted down a couple of more lines before looking at the clock and sighing. “And before you say anything, no I will not be your fake rebound girlfriend.”

“Who says I’m looking for a rebound?”

“Because, what better way to stay the heartthrob of millions of girls around the world by convincing them you're straight?”

Alec gave an annoyed sigh as he pulled the notebook closer. “Izzy says I’m gonna break one day.”

“She said the same to me too,” Aline said, reaching over and taking Alec’s hand. “It has been suggested that I should ‘hook up’ with Meliorn.”

“Are you going to do it?”

Aline was quiet for a long moment before looking up at him. “I’m tired of hiding.”

“So am I,” Alec said in a voice barely above a whisper. “But I’m terrified of coming out.”

“It’s scary, but what if it’s better that way?” Aline asked. “Staying in the closest and sneaking around with people, praying the media never finds out because of pictures or someone let it slip. There has been so many close calls, and part of me is terrified of ever starting a relationship with a girl because of it.”

“Being a celebrity really sucks sometimes.”

Aline nodded. “It really does.” She looked at the clock once more before letting go of Alec’s hand and standing up. “I have a meeting I need to get to.” She gave Alec’s shoulder a squeeze and smiled gently before walking out of the room.

Alec looked down at the battered notebook in front of him and flipped it to an old song he wrote after having drinks with Magnus for the first time. He ran his fingers over the words that would never be released to the public and frowned. He could still remember the way Magnus had smiled at him that night, and how Alec never wanted the night to end.

He touched the end of the page, staring at ending line, ‘just stay for one more drink, he said. And I did.’

The door opened and Alec quickly shut the book. He looked up to see Magnus and his cheeks began to burn. He looked down and played with one of the edges, bending it back and forth as Magnus took a seat. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Alec said back. He looked up to smile at Magnus, and his heart started to race at the shirt Magnus was wearing, the buttons undone to reveal a good portion of his chest. “Did you need something?”

“I ran into Lydia in the hall, she told me you wanted to talk to me.”

Alec froze. “I-I-no.”

Magnus looked confused for a second before nodding towards Alec’s notebook. “So anything new?”

Alec slid the book closer to himself. Too many of the songs he wrote were about Magnus, none of which would ever make them on any album he made. “Aline and I got part of a song started.”

Magnus nodded. “She’s got a beautiful voice.”

“She does.”

An uncomfortable silence fell upon them. Alec glanced back up at Magnus to see him playing with the rings on his fingers, a nervous habit, but what could Magnus Bane possibly be nervous about?

He took a deep breath and opened up to a new page. “Would you be interested in writing something with me?”

Magnus’ eyebrows shot up for a moment before he was smiling softly. “I would love to.” Magnus’ slid closer to Alec, making his heart beat faster. “So, what did you have in mind to write about?”

Alec shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know.” He leaned back in his chair and sighed. “The studio wants this album done as fast as possible, but besides the song I’m writing with Aline, I’m at a loss about what to write.”

“There seems to be a lot of pages filled for someone who doesn’t know what to write.”

“Those will never get released.”

Magnus didn’t push the issue and instead reached a hand out towards the notebook. “May I? I won’t look at what you’ve written, I’m just going to help you brainstorm.” Alec slide the book over and Magnus took a glittery pen out of his pocket. “So, what is the song you and Aline are doing?”

“A duet,” Alec answered. “Some dumb love song that they thought we should work on together.”

Magnus rolled his eyes. “I learned a long time ago to stop doing what they ask of me,” he said and wrote down ‘no love songs’ in big bold letters. “Besides, you’ve just experienced a breakup, perhaps you should focus on heartbreak.”

“That was fake.”

“Yes, but your fans don’t know that,” Magnus said and wrote down ‘heartbreak.’ “Make it about a past relationship, it doesn’t have to be Lydia.”

Alec’s cheeks went red and he looked down. “I uh-I’ve never been with anyone but Lydia. So I guess technically, I’ve never been in a relationship.”

“Okay, so let’s try something different,” Magnus said, tapping his pen against the table. “I’m sure you’ve had crushes on people. We can work with that.”

Alec looked up. “You’re not going to judge me?”

“Judge you for what?”

“Never being in a real relationship before.”

Magnus just smiled softly and reached out to take Alec’s hand. “Alec, how many people you have or haven’t been with does not define you. I should know.”

The media always depicted Magnus as a lothario, but after getting to know him, Alec knew that was entirely untrue. Alec looked down again and sighed. “I used to think I was in love with my best friend back when we were teenagers.”

“Jace?”

Alec nodded. “Yeah, I’ve since come to realize that what I felt for him was brotherly love, but perhaps that would work?”

Magnus nodded. “I think it could work, but is there anyone more recent?”

Alec’s cheeks went pink. “I uh-I-”

Magnus chuckled softly and nodded. “It’s okay. We can work with your teenage crush. We can change pronouns and no one will know it was a guy.”

“Okay.”

“Alright, let’s get started,” Magnus said. “So, tell me about you as a teenager, Alexander.”

Alec found it surprisingly easy to open up to Magnus, telling him all about his childhood and the crush he had on Jace. Occasionally, Magnus would write notes on the paper, even coming up with a verus. He hadn’t even realized an hour had passed until Isabelle came into the room and gave him a knowing smile. 

Alec blushed and pulled away from Magnus, having not realized that they had gravitated so close to each other. “Izzy, what’s up?”

“Jace and I were heading down to that Chinese restaurant that just opened and we were wondering if you wanted to come,” Isabelle said, looking between them. “But if you’re busy..”

“Oh, we can always finish later,” Magnus said, pushing the notebook back towards Alec. “I have some things I need to attend to anyways.” He stood up and smiled at Alec. “Good luck on the rest of your album, Alexander.”

Magnus left and Isabelle immediatly took his empty seat. “So, you and Magnus.”

Alec shook his head. “He’s just helping me with a song.”

“Looked like more than that.”

“He’s just a friend.”

“A friend you would love to ask out.”

“Drop it, Izzy,” Alec said as he stood up. “It’s never going to happen.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Alec looked out the window of the limo as they waited to get out for the music awards. He felt a hand on his shoulder and glanced at Clary. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I guess I’m just kinda used to Lydia being here with me.”

“You could have gone alone.”

“My manager suggested it would be better if I didn’t,” Alec replied with heavy sigh. “I’m sorry you got dragged into this.”

“Hey, you’re my friend,” Clary said, smiling softly. “Now let’s get out there and get this over with. I know you hate interviews.”

“That I do.”

He exited the limo and reached a hand out for Clary, listening to the sound of the cameras. He put on his mask and they walked arm in arm towards the red carpet. 

Most of his interviews revolved around his break up with Lydia, and asking if him and Clary were together. He wanted to scream that the thought of being with any girl made him sick, but he just kept a straight face and expertly avoided answering the questions.

During one of his interviews, he felt someone tap his shoulder and turned to see Magnus. Alec could feel his heart skip a beat in his chest as he took in the sight of Magnus in his glittery suit jacket and pink streaks in his hair. He looked beautiful and Alec almost forgot they were on the red carpet until Clary gave him a gentle nudge in the side.

“Magnus,” Alec said, doing his best to not let his eyes stray. “Hey.”

The interviewer was saying something, but Alec barely heard her. He turned back towards her. “I’m sorry?”

“I asked if there was any hope of a collaboration between you two,” She asked. “You are two are usually competing on the charts.”

Alec laughed. “There is no competing, Magnus is by far the better artist. He’s been an inspiration for many of us.”

“Aw, you flatter me, Alexander,” Magnus said, beaming at him and Alec felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest. He smiled back and ducking his head down, feeling his facade start to slip. Magnus turned back towards the interviewer. “Actually, we were just brainstorming a song together the other day. I don’t know if you’ll see a duet anywhere in the near future, but certainly some writing.”

Alec nodded, finding it suddenly hard to speak. As if sensing his predicament, Clary leaned up and whispered about getting off the carpet and finding their seats. He nodded and thanked the interviewer before continuing his way inside. 

Once they found their seat, Alec let out a heavy sigh and held his face in his hands. “Oh my God.”

Clary gently rubbed his back. “Hey, it’s okay.”

Someone plopped down on his other side and he looked up to see his sister looking at him with concern. “What’s wrong?”

“I-I don’t know,” Alec said. “One minute I was fine, and then he showed up, and there was already one article saying I was gay. I can only imagine what comes up from tonight.”

“You just do what you always have, big bro,” Isabelle said, wrapping her arms around him. “Deny it and move on.”

“I know, but it’s just getting harder and harder to deny, especially when he’s around me.”

“Then maybe it’s time to consider coming out.”

“No. I’m not ready.”

Isabelle just held him a little tighter before pressing a kiss to his cheek. “This isn’t healthy, Alec,” She whispered. “Living a lie is only stressing you out.”

Alec returned her embrace. “I know, but I’m scared.”

“It’s okay to be scared, but you have a network of support around you,” She said. “And when you’re ready, we’ll all be there for you. Okay?”

Alec nodded. “Okay.”

She pulled back and gave his shoulder a squeeze. “I want to stay, but I’m needed for one more sound check.”

“I’ll be fine,” Alec said. “Give it your best, Izzy.”

“I always do, big bro,” Isabelle said as she stood up and smiled. “I’ll see you guys later. Hope you enjoy my performance!”

\----------------------------------------------------------

“You should really slow down on the drinks,” Clary mumbled, taking the empty bottle from Alec and replacing it with a water bottle. “Stop worrying so much about what’s gonna happen when and if the interview is released.”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?” She asked, sitting close as she spotted a couple of cameras close by. She turned her head and dipped it close so it appeared they were intimate. 

He placed a hand on her knee looked at her. “I’m sick of this.”

“Izzy, and everyone else, has told you many times living a lie is not the way to go.”

“I know, but ever since I was a kid..” He trailed off, thinking of his parents homophobic remarks and shook his head. “I’m just scared.”

“It’s tough. You remember when Simon came out as pansexual,” Clary said. “For the first month, it was all that anyone ever talked about. There were good comments, and there were bad ones, but in the end, the media always moves on to the next thing and you go on living your life.”

He saw the flash of a camera out of the corner of his eyes and took Clary’s hand, watching as more flashing happened. “It would beat having to pretend to be into women all the time. No offense, but the mere thought of kissing one makes me cringe.”

Clary threw her head back and laughed, most of it was for show for the cameras. She started to get up and pulled Alec along with her. “No offense taken. Come on, let’s go dance.”

“I hate dancing.”

“Yes, but I’m sure the media would be all over you dancing with a beautiful woman.”

Alec rolled his eyes and allowed himself to be pulled towards where a few more couples were dancing. He spotted Magnus across the dance floor, making out with another man and Alec frowned, wishing more than anything that that could be him with Magnus. He dropped his head to Clary’s shoulder and they swayed to the music, his eyes hardly leaving Magnus.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

“How do you deal with it?”

Magnus pulled his headphones out as Alec sat down across from him. “Deal with what?”

“The attention for being bi-sexual.”

“Considering coming out, Alexander?”

Alec shrugged and was quiet for a long moment before saying, “I think I’m afraid of what people might think.”

Magnus nodded and reached out to place a hand over Alec’s, giving it a squeeze. “Honestly, I stopped giving a shit what people thought of me. I figured if people didn’t like who I was, then that was their problem. The only person’s opinion that should matters is yours, Alexander. And if you’re worried about losing fans, then were they ever truly fans?” Magnus sighed softly and sat back, letting go of Alec’s hand. “It’s hard at first, but it does get better. You just have to tune out all the negativity. In the end, it’s going to feel so much better to truly be yourself, but don’t push yourself. If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready. Don’t feel like you have to come out.”

“Honestly, I don’t know if I’m ready or not,” Alec replied. “I just- I know I’m tired of living like this. I’m tired of having to pretend to be into women. I’m tired of looking at a man I like and tell myself that I can’t have that. I’m tired of not being happy.”

Magnus placed his hand over Alec’s again. “Then maybe it’s time.”

Alec looked down at their hands and slowly turned his hand up, taking Magnus’ hand. “Maybe.”

Magnus smiled softly. “How about we get some work done?”

Alec nodded and came around the table to sit by Magnus and took out his notebook, opening it to the song they had been working on. “Thank you, for helping me. I know you probably have much better things to do.”

“Nonsense, Alexander,” Magnus said. “I enjoy spending time with you.”

Alec felt a blush spread across his face and smiled, pulling out his pen. “Okay, let’s do this.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You fired your manager?!”

Alec sighed and set his guitar aside to look up at Jace. “Yes, I did.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re not on the same page.”

“What do you mean?” Jace asked, taking a seat next to Alec.

Alec looked down at the song he had been working on. “I mean, maybe it’s time.”

Jace blinked a couple of times before he smiled widely and wrapped his arms around Alec. “Oh my God, Alec. I didn’t think this day was ever going to happen.” He squeezed the other man tighter for a minute before pulling back. “When did you decide?”

Alec shrugged. “I’m just tired of living a lie.” He pushed his notebook towards Jace. “And lately, the only inspiration I’ve had is to write about a man.”

Jace read through the lyrics and smiled again. “Wow. So you’re really going to do this?”

Alec nodded. “I think so.”

Jace wrapped his arms around Alec again. “I’m so happy for you.”

Alec returned the embrace. “Thanks.”

\--------------------------------------------------------

“Would you be interested in being in my first music video?”

Magnus looked up. “I wasn’t aware you started recording.”

“I haven’t, but I will be soon,” Alec replied. “And I already know what song I want to be the first single.” He opened his notebook and slid it across the table towards Magnus. He watched nervously as Magnus read through the lyrics, a look of shock on his face when he looked up at Alec.

“This is about-”

“The first time we had drinks together,” Alec replied, sitting down next to Magnus. He placed his hand over Magnus’ and gave it a squeeze. “I’ve got a new plan for this album. I want it to be my coming out story.”

“This is very brave of you, Alexander.”

“I know, but Izzy told me I have people who will stand by me through this, and I was hoping that you would be one of them.”

Magnus smiled and intertwined their fingers. “Of course I’ll be there for you, Alexander.”

Alec smiled back before taking a deep breath and saying. “I was also wondering if maybe you would like to join me for dinner tonight.”

Magnus nodded. “I would love too.”


End file.
